http://daughtersofkhadijah.blogspot.com/
You might be like Horya: you might be looking out the window on the street and feel that pane of glass is a cage that keeps you in and suffering but that it is also, and more so, the one thing that saves you from the cruelty of the world, the same that is worse than his blows or your inadequecies. The shame attached to divorced women is that they are spoiled goods. Who would want to marry you if you got up the courage to go? And who would want someone elses' children? You cannot abandon them just because you are unhappy, and everyone knows a man loves his own blood more, that it is natural that he wants his own children, not someone elses'---and you don't want another man to treat you like you have been a whore, or unfaithful to him. You want to have just one man---you really do love the idea of that and have been faithful to it.... You just want to be a good wife, a good muslim, a good mother.
The truth is you are a good wife, a good muslim, and a good mother, because you think these things. You have a mind, and these fears prove it. You know some muslim women in your community who think this is a personal issue and that if it is a problem you and your husband should seek counselling with the Imam. I don't. And we are here to help. You CAN leave him.
You are not alone. Walahi, we have sworn to do what we can to help you, because you are our sister: you are a daughter of Khadijah, a sister of Fatima, a woman who was born to strive to be a model of Aisha. If you need money to leave and get somewhere safe, an Imam to help you divorce, the love and mercy and kindness of a new husband, we will help you. You are our sister and we love you.
Question 1: Who would want to marry you if you got up the courage to go?
Answer: The Prophet Mohammed (SAW) himself married divorced women and encouraged others to do so (this is Sunnah). Divorce wouldn't be allowed by Allah for Muslims in our religion if it ruined us forever. "Reasonable provision shall also be made for divorced women. That is incumbent on righteous men." surah 2:241 [If anyone has some hadith on this can you please post them jazakalair]
Question 2: Who would want another man's children?
Answer: "Give orphans the property which belongs to them. Do not exchange their valuables for worthless things or cheat them of their pocessions; for this would surely be a grievous sin. If you fear you cannot treat orphans with fairness, then you may marry the women who seem good to you: two, three, or four of them. But if you fear you cannot maintain equality among them, marry only one... This will make it easier to avoid injustice."
"They consult you concerning women. Say: 'Allah has instructed you about them, and so have verses proclaimed to you in the Book, concerning the orphan girls whom you deny their legal rights and refuse to marry; also regarding helpless children. He has instructed you to deal justly with orphans. Allah has knowledge of all the good you do." Surah 4:126
Question 3: You cannot abandon your children so you have no choice but to stay---
Answer: "A mother shall not be allowed to suffer on account of her child" surah 2:233
Question 4: It is okay for a husband to beat his wife
Answer: "wives... either retain them in honor or let them go in kindness. But you shall not retain them in order to harm them or to wrong them. Whoever does this wrongs his own soul." surah 2:23 There is a surah that says "Men are the maintainers of women"SURAH 4:34 and that if a woman is disobediant a man "may beat" her as a last possible action (if the threat of him leaving her is not enough then he may shame her through the beating (but only in the context that this might improve her actions and she is truly in error). The Qu'ran exhorts women to be obedient to their husbands in what is resonable: resonable is what is what compelled of us as Muslims, and what is healthy for us. But the main reason why it is against Islam for a man to brutalize his wife, is the pretext that makes us all muslims. "There is no God but God and Mohammed is His Prophet." If Mohammed (SAW) is Allah's messenger, then we must live our lives as the Prophet lived his own, and he never raised a hand to his wives. [Hadiths please, if ya'll can post them about the Prophet's (SAW) manners with his wives]
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